Swimming lessons

So... If Rosie could actually get the whole breathing thing sorted she would be really good, and on her way to being an olympic swimmer.. (she likes gold medals) . At the moment she spends half the lesson under the water doing handstands and trying to pull down the boys swimming shorts... She denies this... But boys don't scream for no reason, not when there are other boys around anyway.

Ah.. She just beat the class up the pool butterfly stylee by three quarters of the pool.. I think she is a mermaid.

Diving is something she enjoys lots of...  but only because it means she gets to spend more time under the water. Probably looking at the boys in their speedos, she is going to be a right little bugger when she has hormones and boobs and stuff. I wonder who gets to have 'the talk' with her.. Probably me no doubt. And I'll mess it up cos I'm a bloke. I've already told her she can't have a boyfriend till she's 35... That went down well!

It's just a pity the lesson only lasts half an hour.. Maybe an hour would be better, give me more time to do nowt and not have anyone bug me to do stuff.

Back to the real world of shopping and cleaning and washing and cooking and stuff.

The OMG Cat

The OMG Cat

Blues and Booze

Me and sal managed to get out with some of the old gang last night which was fantastic. We really enjoyed ourselves immensely. We went over to the Jinney Ring where there is a beer festival on over the bank holiday weekend.. Our friend Nick is in a blues combo with a guy called Mick, together they are Broke Down Engine.


They played a couple of sets and really did a great job of it. I don't know what I expected of them as I've only heard Nick play a couple of things before, but I was surpisingly very impressed. Nothing pretentious or what I would call hardcore blues, just some really nice, well executed and well received blues.. Nick's harmonica playing was impressive, didn't know he had it in him..


And I really enjoyed Micks vocals a lot. He's such a nice guy too. Never met him before, but hope to again soon.


He plays a pretty mean slide guitar believe me..

Twenty guest real ales and four nerve numbing ciders rested neatly in the beer tent... (we like a good beer tent) I had aspirations of going through them all from one to twenty...


But faltered pathetically on my fifth. People who know me will tell you that that is five times more than I normally drink in an evening... I was getting a bit drunk and a little unmanageable and innapropriate.. The beers were very well presented, perfect temperature and well rested, the perfect ales.. There was even a chocolate ale!! That went down pretty well. Made from chocolate syrups and chocolate extracts, perfect for the chocoholic alchoholic.

The company was great and it was lovely to catch up on all the gossip. We all kind of drifted apart a bit after some moving away and others of us having kids, so to meet up again was fantastic. I know we will always be on touch, it was just nice to all get together.

We still haven't arranged to go round to Nick and Pris' so it looks like a facebook poke is in the offing, or some other kind of poke at least. I'm sure it's our turn to play host, but as long as we get together who cares right?

Oh how my bottocks yearn

This painting has been sat on my easel for bloody weeks now. And I go and take a shite photo of it!
I suppose I've been going through a bit of a 'buttock man' phase for quite a while.. Tight jeans, pencil skirts, little hipster pants... You know the script... Hey! I'm a Bloke! It's my job... But all that is coming to an end, and recent developments have heralded in the dawn of 'girlie man'... I am revisiting a craft my Gran taught me as a child, knitting... Ok, friends and workmates browsing past this post will probably yell WTF!! KNITTING? Yeah? Well fuck the lot of you.. My name is Adie and I knit... And like death metal... (put that in to boost the bloke cred)

Here's Rosie modelling her new school scarf, which seemed to take forever. I threw in a couple of 'oh bollocks' (Well, more than a few actually.) here and there to help things along.. Now I'm on with a nice little cardi to keep her warm through the early spring. It's coming along nicely too..... I'm learning new techniques, like throwing the lot across the lounge... The knit one, purl one kick the cat up the arse for 'helping' with the yarn one. Knit one, slip one, pick it back up again cos it's the wrong one... I know them all intimately now.... How quickly I learn, how fabulous I am... (positive mental attitude) I do have a big nudger, I am not overweight and I am going to trade my wife in for two eighteen year olds. (I'm like a jack russell chasing a car... Wouldn't know what to do with it if I caught one)

Watcha think.. Is this just a bit too cute... I'm going to drink lots of beer and swear a lot to get testosterone levels back up to that of a 'real man' and not some sissy assed manknitter..

I've just looked in the fridge and all I have is Pear Cider.... Not looking good is it? And that's Sally's... I'll get thumped if I have that.....

New painting (no boobs)

Better Days

Actually I've painted lots since the last time I blogged a painting.. I just haven't been in any mood for blogging. This one is painted in acrylic and oil and is on canvas 1000 x 800 or if you want that in old money 39 x 32.. If you want to buy it then it's up for sale.. Email me...

Diving into the depths of hell

I must be the worst person ever for just throwing any kind shite into my garage.. 'where can I put this box?' Throw the fucker in the garage... Got some spare timber/bricks/bags of old clothes/books/ put the fuckers in the garage...... Need a tool?... Shit, it's under the big pile of crap in the garage.. See my problem? Well, it's not officially a problem until I need to find something that has a legitimate right to be in there..
So yesterday, I blitzed it.. I started at one end and worked my way through until I had reclaimed the lot!!! I boxed up, taped up, wrapped up and bagged up everything I don't need and dumped it ready for taking to the tip!!! Yey me!! Now I need to start on my van!! That's full of the tools I couldn't fit in the garage.
I think I've always been a bit of a procrastinator, (wife nods head like mad) and put things off until the last possible second. The problem is, I'm 48 now and not about to change any time soon.. That doesn't bode well for the garage...

First try with iPhone app

Hi bloggfans I'm just trying out a new blogging app for my iPhone. Hopefully it will get me blogging once again after a long, long layoff


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

You looking at my birds tits?!!

Haven't done much of anything for a while.. Been depressed and stuff and in a kinda meh mood.. The tablets have sorted me out now.. Yey drugs!!!

Going to see slipknot soon... Got the inspiration from Mick Thompson's mask for my latest painting. Decided to give acrylics a go, never tried them before and was a bit scared of how quickly they dry. I'm used to oils which you can work on for days before the paint dries.. Acrylics dry in minutes..

Inner Demons

Nuff said

I am inspired.. It took an amazing video and an amazing musician.....

Lickin' dog sick

Had a great time at Lola's party last weekend. Hurtling headlong into her dotage now she is. I was the designated driver so drank quarts of orange juice, my innards are still recovering! Good food, good music and good company, what more do you need.. Maybe a sparkly silver loo seat. Rosie is still talking about it, I feel like a failure as a father because ours match the suite colour, not a dot of glitter in sight. Maybe I should do something to rectumfy it....

I'm not what you would call the life and soul of the party, I like to sit and listen to what others have to say... And with so many different people from different backgrounds I was struck dumb.. Such interesting people. I got good lurk... But bugger all photo's cos I forgot my camera.. Sigh.

Some friends last us a lifetime, some are shite. It seems we have an abundance of both at the moment. Lola's a keeper... Others will fall by the wayside, I'd rather lick dog sick than keep crap friends, I'm too old to faff about wasting my time with them....

Wrestling with spitting monkeys

We visited the 'folks up north' yesterday. My baby sister's 40th is loomin' like a slug in a black tiara and she had the nerve to 'celebrate' it the cheeky cow!! I'm 46 and don't need my face rubbing in it thank you very much. I did enjoy seeing my family together again after a few years, though I could have done without seeing a couple of them... Namely my father in all his piety! Haven't spoken to him in ten years, and after he completely blanked his Granddaughter last night.... Who he has never met... It may very well be another ten. Turns out he also thought it best not to invite my other sister for some good for nothing reason... Still likes to make judgements on people...

My brother looked good, a few more lines here and there but the lucky bastard hasn't put on a scrap of weight... And our Ange, my favourite sibling who I have a huge squishy soft spot for, looked great.. Finally met her daughter 'wee Ruthie' after years and years... By eck has she shot up!! She was being a miserable emo last time I visited and had her door nailed shut... Last time I saw her she was eight. Dave's son is huge too, again, he was about eight when i saw him last... Ten years don't half change a person.

The best thing about the visit was the complete lack of traffic!! And... With a judicious misuse of the speed limit we managed to escape back to normality in an hour and three quarters and well away from bad memories old and new. Trouble is.... My memory is shite and any new memories tend to drift away on the breeze.

Iron Maiden stole my brain

I lay in bed trying to sleep.... wooooooooooooooooooooooooooh.... So I lay in bed trying to clear my brain... woooooooooooooooooooooh. So then I turned over and got comfy on that side... wooooooooooooooooooh... What the hell was that noise? Then it hit me.. My hearing was screwed.. I smiled... The evening was perfect. I drifted off to sleep.

We had just been to Twickenham to see Iron Maiden, their only UK gig this tour.. And was I blown away by one of the best rock bands of the last 25 years? OH HELL YES!!! I have never experienced an atmosphere like it or felt 55,000 people all singing their hearts out vibrate through me like a pulse.



I'm getting the urge to get a mullet.. Fighting the urge! Fighting the urge!! Losing.. Losing. Phoning the barbers.......... Catching sight of myself in the mirror. Balder than a badgers arse!! Deep sadness... Plenty of party, but bugger-all business up front..



My hearing is back to normal now, but I don't think I'll ever be the same again...

Rock on..

Dead fish and the smell of unwashed poets

It's been a while since I blogged, for which I am sorrowful and maudlin. I've been in a place for a while now that I need to break free from. I don't have much incentive or inspiration which isn't much use for a budding artist is it..? Anyway.. Thank you and bigfatstinkyhugs to Lola for tagging me and getting me back into blogging...

Three things that Sally knows about me.....

1: I own, and can use quite usefully, a sewing machine.. I had to learn when I was a punk rocker because you simply couldn't buy off the shelf clothes back then. So I taught myself to alter, take in and embelish my own. Which in turn led me to be able to make my own curtains, lined of course.

2: I will eat ANYTHING!!! (part of my problem right there!!) except Stilton Cheese and any kind of cheese sauce. Cheese sauce is in fact the food of the devil and only evil beings, demons and women can eat the stuff without vomiting.

3: I once ran away from home when I was about fourteen. In order that they wouldn't be able to recognise me or put my picture in the paper I took all my mums photo's of me!! Good move or what? Ha-ha!! No bloody flies on me... Ok, I only got about five miles, set up my tent... Got bored then went home.....


Hmm... I don't really have any readers, so I can't say I can pick three.... Ho hum..




Here are the rules:

The UU must list the three things their husband (or wife) (or significant other) knows about them.

The rules of this UU are posted at the ENDING of the post.

At the end of the post, the player then tags a randomly chosen number of people and posts their blog names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged. The comment must end with the word 'pthththth'.

Somewhere Else

Somewhere Else

My latest painting... Oil on Canvas 18x12....

I'm getting the urge to do an oil landscape.. I know, I'm crap at landscapes... Or is that crap at partings, or both? Hmmmm.. Maybe an oil landscape might turn out differently to a watercolour one.. Only one way to find out.. Watch this space..

Conspiracy theory

Ok... Now as much as I like the Welsh, is it a conspiracy that leads them to name their towns so the English can't say them? Bwlchgwyn!!! Worked there last week and had to stop and ask for directions!?! See my conundrum? How do you begin to pronounce a word that has zero number of vowels? How much of a dick did I feel when I got sniggered at by a wrinkly old timer, like I was a five year old.. Bwlch-y-Ffridd... Llwynderw... Seeing a pattern? Yup. They hate me at work. "Lets send him to some remote village in the mountains, where sat-navs don't work and they don't have shops to ask for directions in..... That'll teach the bugger a lesson!" The only place I haven't worked, and would dearly love to but it doesn't exist is Pant-y-fan...... Yes.... I am ten years old!!

Farewell Paris.. tick-tick-tick-tick BOOM

Last night I blew up Paris with a feckin' huge nuclear bomb. Why? who knows, but I really enjoyed it. I even let some odd spoddy chap borrow my extension lead because they were running a bit short. It was all very English too, the survivors formed orderly lines to get treated without complaining. I felt all warm and fuzzy that I'd melted so much of the city, so proud.. Funny thing is, it's my favourite city in the whole world.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, Sally is dreaming about hamsters with huge knackers.!?!

So far I've noticed bugger all effects from the omega3.. Memory is still half that of a goldfish, knees still rustier than a rusty thing in rustytown and I'm Still butt ugly.. Give it another month.. Maybe if I grow breasts I could see that as a huge plus... C cup would be nice.

Almost got knocked out by a bumble bee today.. It mistook me for a flower, easy mistake to make... If....

1. You aren't wearing your glasses
2. You like really crap flowers
3. You are a numpty

I is a aged parent

I officially became an old duffer today, and I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing. We've been doing a bit of remodelling recently and this last week has been the turn of Rosies new room. The pink palace!! She's moving into a bigger room with 'big girls' bed'... It's all pink and girlie, she even chose the colour. Painted it last weekend and this today was carpet fitting day! Dun-dun-duhn!! Started to lay the thing and realised that carpet fitters use the spiky knee bash thingy for a reason... It looks shite if you don't! Well, bugger this I thought... Rather than face the disappointment on Sally a Rosies faces at having a carpet that was crumplier than the Black Mountains, I made a spiky knee bash thingy!!! How chuffin' old am I now? My father in law makes a thingy for just about anything you can need a thingy for... Takes him all day, but he does it. Now it's my turn. Even as I realised how sad a moment I was experiencing, I also savoured the fact that my spiky knee bash thingy was fuckin' fantastic really rather useful.

Tomorrow we're going up to Ikea some fantastic bed emporium for Rosies new bed. She is practically bursting she's so pleased that she's getting this all new room, with special reading chair that cost a tenner from Harvey's. We're also getting stuff for the craft (stroke) art room, which is probably going to be all craft and stroke with bugger all art room. But all I need is a drawer for my bits and room for a couch for my nude models and I'm happy. I'd settle for just the nude model but there are comfort and H+S issues.

So it looks like I have a hard days work ahead for tomorrow so what's new? and I relish every second of the pain, blood, skinned knuckles challenge.

Wish me luck!

Amy Lee (No 2 on my allowed list.)

Amy Lee
oil on canvas

At last I got my procrastinating, lazy backside around to finishing a painting! I've had this sketched out and sat on top of the microwave staring at me for weeks. It's taken about three evenings to do it and I may do a bit more to it yet... Then again I may decide that enough is enough and may end up doing too much and ruin it.. A particular failing of mine.

JUST LEAVE IT ALONE YOU KNOB!!!!! I hear you cry.. Or was that the voice in my head again? Oh bollocks! I thought I'd got rid of him.. They promised me the pills would sort that out... He is right though... Any thoughts? Anyone else wanna get in my head and pulls my strings? A word of warning though. You have to look at me naked!! Changed your mind? Yeah thought so, not many supplementary personalities have the stomach for that one.

It tried to snow earlier. What a tease. There were great fat globs of the stuff sticking everywhere and I was looking forward to burying Rosie in it... Purely for photographical research of course. Everyone loves a cute kiddie photo, 'specially if it involves muck, mess and mayhem; but especially if it involves the 'Ooooooh that's gotta hurt' factor. But alas it's pouring with rain now and washed it all away. I could stand her in that for a while and take photo's of a little drownded rat..

Watch this space...

Dun-dun-duuuuhn...

One of those Days

I've been a right miserable git today.. I've been feeling run down all day and it turned me into a proper crosspot. Do you ever have one of those days where you just want the sun to piss off and leave you alone, the happy faced little tosser!! It's been glaring at me from the beginning, like that aggressive thug you see staring you down across a pub... All menace and knuckles... And then there's me, all wind and piss! Waving my fist at anything that moves in the hope my crappy day will go away.

I'm looking for a bit of inspiration. I'm bursting to get on with some painting, but lack the drive to make a start. I've sketched out a portrait of Amy Lee (second on my allowed list) but I've sat here staring at it for about three weeks now with bugger all incentive... Need help... Or pills...

I started my diet today... Boo-hiss. I got on the scales yesterday and got the shock of my life. I need to lose two stone at least. Now that makes me sad. How am I gonna survive without pop and crisps and chocolate?

We don't say stinky poo-poo...

I got put in the hall again today for being mean to Owlie. (sigh) Just who IS the boss in this house? Don't really need an answer to that do I? I had to sit there for two minutes with Dolly, Annabel, a stuffed mouse and a Peppa-pig slipper.

Rosie's "Cross" face is enough to turn me into the meanest Daddy-Pig, laughing at her only makes her crosser. The cross face here was earned for flicking breakfast cereal... Toast... Tea towels... Random bits of paper and a plastic egg cup.

I have taken it upon myself to teach her the finer points of our wonderful language. Teaching her to say "Turnehp" (turnip) in a west country accent is my latest triumph... She'll be scarred for life no doubt.

Oh yes... "We don't say stinky poo-poo!"

Or... Blummin' eck

Or... Bloody-hell. Silly man, who taught you to drive?!

Guilty of two of those. (holds up hand) Think the last one came from her Grandma...





She can also twist me around her little finger.













Failing that, out comes the circular saw!!!!! RARRRRR!